sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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