I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
