remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
