so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
