It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
