no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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