Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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