Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
