We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
