I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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