You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
