I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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