I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
