drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
