I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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