Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
