On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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