you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
