hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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