Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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