I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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