quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
