so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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