Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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