i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
