I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
