I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if only i could text you this smell
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize