i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
