Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
