I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
