I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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