he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
