Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
