So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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