the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
