I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
