Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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