My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
