sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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