My friends, they love my intelligence
they need to just BURY HIM!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
