I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
