either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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