I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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