Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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