i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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