Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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