Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
