she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
40s are totally the cure
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
