i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry my hands just texted you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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