I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
