I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
