i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
