tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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