i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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