I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
