So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize