Screwed.edu
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
