Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
