How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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