i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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