You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
