hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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