Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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