you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
