i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
