he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I stole a fireplace last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
