South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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