Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
