areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
