i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
