She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
