New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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