Tell her she can't have a vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
