Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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