It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize