i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
