Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Houston, we have a blender
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
